By Margaret Hedderman

Schladming, Austria – On July 26th, an Austrian hiker was rushed to the hospital after a falling goat knocked him from the mountain. Though the animal survived his 50 ft. fall, the man suffered goat related injuries.

When will the madness end? Just when we’d gotten used to oil spills, faltering economies, and Ellen DeGeneres leaving American Idol, the Universe starts throwing goats at us! If there wasn’t a serious risk of developing bed sores, I would have a hard time mustering the courage to crawl out of bed each morning. It is in times like these, I look to my own personal hero for inspiration: Lady Gaga.

Every generation of young women must have a hero – and forth, from the murky waters of tabloid pop culture, a true lady of the new century has emerged. An inspiration for the youth, Lady Gaga has not only branded a new branch of feminism, but has also set a new standard of artistic achievement.

The epitome of spectacle, Gaga (or should I call her Lady?) has mastered the art of appearing original while simultaneously producing music as memorable and creative as Britney Spears (who?).  Yes, Gaga is more a master marketer than a  Bonnie Raitt or Joni Mitchell. Which is precisely why she is a hero of the times. She has learned the system and gyrated it to the full extent of her pelvic thrusting powers.

As our generation has been tasked by our predecessors to unite despite our religious, political, and cultural barriers to take action against some of the most tremendous obstacles modern humanity has ever witnessed, it’s encouraging to have such inspirational heroes. When the mountains rain goats on my weekend excursions, I will show the world my Poker Face and have confidence my Millennial compatriots will have the wisdom, courage and wherewithal to come to my rescue.